I just had my first 3 month post chemo checkup. It was supposed to be just a physical, but I’d been having some digestive problems that were similar to those I had at the start of this journey. So I got a CT scan. While it was an anxious time waiting for the results, the reassurance that the chemo did its job, and that I’m without any tumors now is great. Just great. As one of my ministers said, “sometimes indigestion is just indigestion”.
I spoke with my spiritual director about the waiting part of this journey. Feel good, something happens, worry, resolve, repeat. He suggested compassion as the center point of a see saw. One the one hand practical and legitimate worries. On the other unrealistic optimism. What connects the two? He suggested compassion at the fulcrum. Think of me as a daredevil kid, always wearing fancy shoes, on the ratty see saw below. Standing with a foot on either side of the fulcrum, holding, or trying to hold the thing in balance. Not up or down on either side, just balancing between the two extremes. That takes self-compassion, another form of self care. Also core muscles.
Dear one, let us rejoice. Let us rejoice for good news, for answers when it feels there are non. For joy and celebration, and the deep knowledge that compassion is always an ally, standing nearby, the daredevil on the playground. Blessed be.