All 4 authors of “Speak the Language of Healing” write to the question “How can I find peace of mind when I’m living my life over the edge?” The Jewish author talks about learning about a sisterhood of breast cancer survivors that she found herself a member of. Toward the end of her 7 chemo treatments she talks about her experience of being “over the edge” this way (edited a bit):
“I thought I would emerge from this whole and into something specific. I would be more advanced spiritually. Or my writing would be more profound. Or I would have some guarantee that the cancer will never come back. Something tangible I could put my hands on. I know now that I’m emerging whole and into emptiness. I don’t know what the future will bring.”
The Sufi talks about how she has gained peace by no longer denying that she would die. She points out we all will die and that cancer may force that realization on some of us more than others, but it is equally true for all of us. She then says that “we all live over the edge, and it is counter intuitive to imagine that peace can come out of living in awareness of that reality”. But she finds it true. She talks about Cancer giving her an awakening in a mystical sense.
The 12 stepper writes “I tried to view illness as not a catastrophe, but as possibility. All I can say is sometimes it worked”
I’m a bit fearful of heights. Not normal heights, but the Grand Canyon and church towers. When we visited the Grand Canyon about 10 years ago somehow we got walking on the Bright Angel Point path at twilight. That path starts wide and on land and then becomes a sort of air peninsula narrowing down to a positively scrawny path. It was paved casually, with low guard walls, and sheer drops. I was wearing city sandals. I looked down, and what I saw was seductively beautiful and so scary. Free flight or fee fall both felt in reach. Both felt inevitable.
Next week starts round 4 of chemo.
Dearest source of light. As Alexa crosses the half way point on chemo treatments give her wisdom to live life over the edge. Fly and fall we will all journey down a path that is too narrow and steep for comfort, surrounded by love and family. Bats may brush our heads and ultimately we are on our own as we move forward. Blessed be.